Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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