First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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