after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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