Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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