I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
