$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
