how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
