I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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