just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
