I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
