Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
