He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
