No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
