***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
