bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He felt like a one man threesome
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
