Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
