she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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