Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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