My room smells like vodka and shame
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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