Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
