You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
