Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
