Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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