i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I want to fling myself into the sun
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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