i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize