Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
