don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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