I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
