I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
