i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
