...so i touched it.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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