I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just want nice things and good sex
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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