When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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