found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
