Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
