Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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