i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
FUCK WHALES
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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