I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
