Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
