so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
