The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
