I want to make a zoo with you.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
