That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
