I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
that is very illegal...i love you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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