So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
