why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He shit in the fireplace
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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