plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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