This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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