The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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