we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
