Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
