I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
