I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize