Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
