I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
