haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
