ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
