nut hugger
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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