Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
