Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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