I think my fart just growled at me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
