420 ftw
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
