He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
