I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize