Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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