I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
