I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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