we have officially lost it.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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