This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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