need another drink. this is the easiest way
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
