next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
They are going to name an STD after you.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
