if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
