yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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