I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
