thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The adults are the big ones right?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
