Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize